Here's your blog entry.
I am a person, unable to control any aspect of my life. Work, love, music, fun... it's all one big fucking loaded cannon waiting to fuck the nearest person up.
Wanna know something? I have a decent PC. I had a decent childhood (or so I think). I have a decent fucking life. I can play guitar better than anyone my age that I've met. I have a beautiful girlfriend. I have a job that pays well. I have a warm bed to sleep in. I have food to eat every day. I have many plutonic object with which i can entertain myself. I have friends that I've made on the internet. I have all this.
I truly believe that I'm the one of the only people left on earth that gives a fuck about other people. Yet my actions are so self centred? Everything I do in life, appears to be for my own benifit.
For fuck sakes, i can't even finish this entry. It just goes to show, nothing on earth makes fucking sense. NOTHING. I have all this, but I need to fucking complain. I am the fucking personification of fucking a spoilt brat. I have all these things, yet I fucking dismiss them and believe that my whole life is down the drain.
That's when my brain shorts out.
like every child, I thought I meant something to the world. I thought I was important. I started playing guitar, and I seriously thought I would rule the world with my talents. I couldn't understand why people didn't have this faith in themselves.
But now, I feel useless. I feel like nothing matters, and I am a waste of energy. I feel like there's no reason to carry on, even with music.
It's almost as if I don't want to make music, because I don't want people to think I am selfish. I don't want people to think that I want recognition for my talent. I feel like when I play in front of other people, they think i am seeking attention.
There is a tiny bit inside of me, telling me that I am still this amazing person. Telling me that I am worth something to the world. But this part of me is just me clinging on to lost hopes. I have grown up to find that there's always somebody better. There is always a replacement.
And then I feel that I can be replaced. My girl could replace me with an even more talented, better looking, more considerate, more perfect person.
If I had to start a band, I would just be judged for my mistakes.